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Past Quotes:
(listed from most recent)
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Why does "lake" come first (Lake Michigan) and "river"
come second (Mississippi River)?
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Love is merely the exchange of two illusions and the contact of
two skins
--Chamfort
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Honest criticism is hard to take, particularly from a relative,
a friend, an acquaintance, or a stranger
-- Franklin P. Jones
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Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax
and get used to the idea.
-- Robert A. Heinlein
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No love, no friendship, can cross the path of our destiny without
leaving some mark on it forever.
-- Francois Mocuriac
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USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of
four people make up 75 percent of the population.
-- David Letterman
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I love deadlines. I especially love the whooshing sound they make
as they fly by.
-- Douglas Adams Author, Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.
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When the sign says, "Employees Only", shouldn't they specify?
I mean I am employed somewhere... Yeah the security guy apparently
didn't buy it either. - Seth
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Do you think they have handicapped parking at the special olympics?
Do you think that some handicapped people get better spots based
on what they have?
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Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk, my first
instinct is to laugh. But then I think, what if I was an ant, and
she fell on me. Then it wouldn't seem quite so funny. - Jack
Handey
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Organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a
year and spends very little on office supplies.
--Woody Allen
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A bank is a place where they lend you an umbrella in fair weather
and ask for it back when it begins to rain.
--Robert Frost
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If you would be loved, love and be lovable
--Benjamin Franklin
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You know we are collectively in trouble, when our best golfer is
black, our best rapper is white, and Germany doesn't want to get
involved in a war.
- I forget which comedian said this first.
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If you tell someone they are being judgmental aren't you being judgmental
yourself?
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The person who said:
All is fair in love and war,
Obviously wasn't the person being hurt!
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Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when
babies wake up like every two hours?
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How do they get the air inside the bubble wrap?
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If my heaven is your hell, who wins?
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Can a guy named Nick have a 'nick'name?
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The 1960's were when hallucinogenic drugs were really big. And I
don't think it's a coincidence that we had the shows then like The
Flying Nun.
-- Ellen DeGeneres
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'Love' is that condition in which the happiness of another person
is essential to your own. - Robert Heinlein
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You know its love when all you want is that person to be happy,
even if you're not part of their happiness.
~Jean Zheng~
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there's this place in me where your fingerprints still rest, your
kisses still linger, and your whispers softly echo. It's the place
where a part of you will forever be a part of me.
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Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the
statue.
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"This is your life and it's ending one minute at a time."
- Fight Club
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When I grow up, I want to be a principal... or a caterpillar
- Ralph on The Simpsons
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Somewhere there's someone who dreams of your smile,
and finds in your presence that life is worth while,
so when you are lonely, remember this is true:
Somebody, somewhere is thinking of you.
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We must move forward, not backward, upward not forward, and always
twirling, twirling, twirling towards freedom. -- Kodos on the
Simpsons
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I would like to quote the greek philosopher Socrates who said, "I
drank what?" - Real Genius
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Looks can get you to a first date, but it takes more than that to
get through it and there has to be a spark for a second one.
- Me
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Everyone wants a supermodel, not realizing that they themselves
are rocks. And rocks aren’t fun to date.
- Fish
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It is better to be silent and thought a fool than to open one's
mouth and remove all doubt. - Mark Twain
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Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested
and the frog dies of it.
- E.B. WHITE
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A friend of mine looked at me and said, "Do you think anyone
is happy? Really happy?" To which I replied, "I was once."
- Me
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"Life is sobs, sniffles, and smiles, with sniffles predominating."
- Ogden Nash
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Yesterday is history.
Tomorrow is a mystery.
Today is a gift.
That's why they call it Present.
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I'm Not Unemployed... I'm a Consultant
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Now I know what it feels like to be that guy on the Titanic who
turns to his band mates and says, "Gentleman it has been a
privilege playing with you" then sits down to let the boat
sink around him. That is how I feel about my company about now.
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There Are Three Kinds of People...... Those Who Can Count and Those
Who Can't.
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The intuitive mind is a sacred gift and the rational mind is a faithful
servant. We have created a society that honors the servant and has
forgotten the gift. - Einstein
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Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes
up on the roof and gets stuck. - George Carlin
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Reality is a crutch for people who can't cope
with drugs. - Lily Tomlin
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"I never think of the future - it comes soon enough."
Albert Einstein (1879-1955)
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I always wondered why somebody doesn't do something about that.
Then I realized I was somebody.
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How can you sleep, through the night,
without thinking you've lost everything
that was good in your life to the toss of the dice......
Aerosmith
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Almighty and eternal God, we beseech thee that, through the example
of Saint Isidore, bishop and doctor, during our journeys through
the Internet we will direct our hands and eyes only to that which
is pleasing to thee and treat with charity and patience all those
souls whom we encounter. Amen.
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In this big sea of people the only island I could find is you.
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If good things come in small packages and good things come to those
who wait, will I get even better things if I wait in a small package?
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Sure, you may not like working here, but we pay your rent.
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The best thing in life is to be in love and be with that person
.... the worst thing is to be in love and not be with that person.
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Once upon a midnight dreary,
while I websurfed, weak and weary,
Over many a strange and spurious
website of 'hot chicks galore',
While I clicked my fav'rite bookmark,
suddenly there came a warning,
And my heart was filled with mourning,
mourning for my dear amour.
"'Tis not possible," I muttered,
"give me back my cheap hardcore!" -
Quoth the server, "404".
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I dropped a tear into the ocean, the day i find it is the day ill
stop loving you
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If I am what I do, am I not if I don't?
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Love isn't finding someone to live with, it's finding someone you
can't live without
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I found the one woman in the world with no baggage, and I gave her
some.
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A pain to love it is: and tis a pain that pain to miss: but the
greatest pain, is to love... but love in vain.
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Snausages. Nuff said.
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There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
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I want someone who'll like me for my mind, not my body, but who'll
play with my body, not my mind.....
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The worst dream there ever was, was the dream in which I didn't
dream of you at all
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i am not supposed to love you
i am not supposed to care
i am not supposed to live my life
wishing you were there,
i'm not supposed to wonder
where you are or what you do
i cant help myself
i fell in love with you
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tomorrow i'll love you more then today and the day before which
i loved you less then today but more then i knew i could love
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"I am." is the shortest complete sentence in the English
language.
"I do" is the longest sentence...
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I believe-
that no matter how good a friend is,
they're going to hurt you every
once in a while and you must forgive
them for that.
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I believe-
that we don't have to change friends
if we understand that friends change.
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Pride, commitment, teamwork -- words we use to get you to
work for free.
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"If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred
minus one day, so I never have to live without you."
- Winnie the Pooh
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A religious war is like two children fighting over who has the biggest
imaginary friend.
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"Even at the bottom of the river, I didn't think to myself,
'Is this a hearty joke or the merest accident.' I just thought,
'It's Wet.'"
- Eeyore
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I once had a child,
So innocent and pure.
I watched it grow and blossom.
I watched it become something strong and wonderful.
Something to really be proud of.
But now it is gone.
I once had a child
So full of promise and hope.
Such a future it had,
Such successes in store.
But now it is no more.
I once had a child.
it had green eyes with flecks of gold.
I used to love to think of it
Would always make me smile.
But now it only makes me cry.
I once had a child
I used to relish the time spent with it.
I used to bask in its glow
I used to revel in other's envy of it.
But now I have it no more.
I once had a child.
The child's name was "Us"
It was made by you and I
And now it is gone.
The Relationship was my child
A bond of trust gave it life,
Never again
Rest In Peace, my wonderful child.
- Nuzzles & Eeps
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Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be
promoted.
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Is it just me, or when you see the people your ex-girlfriend dates
after you, and you see how unattractive they are, Isn't it almost
insulting to think they were ever attracted to you?
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Work: It isn't just for sleeping anymore.
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If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple
of car payments.
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I believe that my best friend and I could do anything or nothing
and have the best time.
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Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else.
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Duct tape is like the Force. It has a light side and a dark side,
and it holds the universe together.
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To deny our own impulses is to deny the very thing that makes us
human.
KID: Do not try and bend the spoon, that's impossible. Instead,
only try to realize the truth.
NEO: What truth?
KID: There is no spoon.
NEO: There is no spoon?
KID: Then you'll see that it is not the spoon that bends,
it is only ourself.
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Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings -- they
did it by killing all those who opposed them.
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"If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television
by
candlelight."
- George Gobel
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Sex is like air. It's not important unless you aren't getting any.
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Isn't it strange when antonyms are not just homonyms but more curiously
the same word? You are enjoined to consider balmy (meaning both
mild and crazy) and oversight (meaning both watchful and inadvertent
omission) as examples.
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It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your
neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
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Every night I say a prayer in the hope that there's a heaven
And every day I'm more confused as the saints turn into sinners
All the heroes and legends I knew as a child have fallen to idols
of clay
And I feel this empty place inside so afraid that I've lost my faith
Show me the way, show me the way
Take me tonight to the river
And wash my illusions away
Show me the way
And as I slowly drift to sleep, for a moment dreams are sacred
I close my eyes and know there's peace in a world so filled with
hatred
That I wake up each morning and turn on the news to find we've so
far to go
And I keep on hoping for a sign, so afraid that I just won't know
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Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
Thanks to Robert for this picture... I couldn't agree more:
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Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of
me,
for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just leave me
the hell alone.
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"A man is only as old as the woman he feels." - Groucho
Marx
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"What kind of confused person thinks dating one person is too
big a commitment, but moving in with someone else is not?"
she said.
"I think you just answered your own question." I said.
- conversation between a friend and me.
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"I am not in this world to live up to your expectations, and
you are
not in this world to live up to mine. You are you and I am I, and
if by
chance we find each other -- it is beautiful. If not it can't be
helped."
- Fritz Perls
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You know, you should never really have to buy a toothbrush, since
they give you one when you go to the dentist, and you're supposed
to go to the dentist every 6 months, which is how often you're supposed
to change your toothbrush.
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I believe-
that you shouldn't be so eager to find out a
secret. It could change your life forever.
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I believe-
that you can do something in an instant
that will give you heartache for life.
I also believe someone else can too. ( )( *)
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A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your
heart. So what then is someone who touches then breaks it?
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My girlfriend used to answer the phone during sex. I HATED that.
I told her not to do it anymore, or else I would stop calling.
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Love hurts, love scars, love wounds and mars. Any heart not tough
or strong enough To take a lot of pain, take a lot of pain
Love is like a cloud Holds a lot of rain Love hurts
I'm young, I know, but even so I know a thing or two And I learned
from you I really learned a lot, really learned a lot Love is like
a flame It burns you when it's hot Love hurts
Some fools think of happiness Blissfulness, togetherness Some fools
fool themselves I guess They're not foolin' me
* I know it isn't true, I know it isn't true Love is just a lie
Made to make you blue Love hurts - Nazareth
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Man, now I feel all warm and fuzzy inside. But then again, I just
ate a live squirrel.
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There's always going to be people that hurt you so what you have
to do is keep on trusting and just be more careful about who you
trust next time around.
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Don't waste your time on a man/woman, who isn't willing to waste
their time on you.
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I believe-
that maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've
had and what you've learned from them and less to do with how many
birthdays you've celebrated.
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Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to,
doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.
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To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be
the world.
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I love you not because of who you are, but because of who I am when
I am with you.
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I AM WE TODD DID.
I AM SOFA KING WE TODD DID.
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I believe-
that even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend
cries out to you will find the strength to help.
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I believe-
that you can keep going long after you can't.
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A wise person once told me, "To truly hate someone you must
first love them. Because such strong emotions go hand in hand."
Then of course I learned to hate her. Ironic, no? - Me
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I believe-
that true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance.
Same goes for true love.
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