Seth's List for 03/16/03
Bar Room Translations
"YOU GET THIS ONE, NEXT ROUND IS ON ME."
(We won't be here long enough to get another round.)
"I'LL GET THIS ONE, NEXT ONE IS ON YOU."
(Happy hour is about to end...drafts are now a dollar, but by the
next round they'll be $4.50 a pop.)
"HEY, WHERE IS THAT FRIEND OF YOURS?" (I
have no interest in talking to you except as a way to get your attractive
friend into a compromising position.)
"CAN I GET A GLASS OF WHITE ZINFANDEL."
(FEMALE) (I'm easy.)
"CAN I GET A GLASS OF WHITE ZINFANDEL."
(MALE) (I'm gay.)
"EVER TRY A BODY SHOT?" (MALE TO FEMALE)
(I am even willing to drink tequila if it means that I get to lick
you.)
"EVER TRY A BODY SHOT?" (FEMALE TO MALE)
(If this is how wild I am in the bar, imagine what I'll do to you
on the ride home?)
"I DON'T FEEL WELL, LET'S GO HOME." (FEMALE)
(You are paying more attention to your friends than me.)
I DON'T FEEL WELL, LET'S GO HOME." (MALE) (I'm
horny.)
"WHO'S GOT THE NEXT ROUND?" (I haven't bought
a round in almost 3 years, but I am an expert at diverting attention.)
"EXCUSE ME." (MALE TO MALE) (Get the hell
out of the way.)
"EXCUSE ME." (MALE TO FEMALE) (I am going
to grope you now.)
"EXCUSE ME." (FEMALE TO MALE) (Don't even
think about groping me, just get the hell out of the way.)
"EXCUSE ME." (FEMALE TO FEMALE) (Move your
fat ass. Who do you think you are anyway? You are not all that pretty,
missy, and don't think for one minute that you are. Coming in here
dressing like a ho... Get your eyes off of my man, or I'll slap
you, bitch,like the slut you are.)
"WHAT DO YOU HAVE ON TAP?" (What's cheap?)
"CAN I HAVE A WHITE RUSSIAN?" (MALE) (I'm
really gay.)
"CAN I HAVE A WHITE RUSSIAN?" (FEMALE) (I'm
really easy.)
"THAT PERSON LOOKS REALLY FAMILIAR." (Did
I sleep with him/her?)
CAN I JUST GET A GLASS OF WATER?" (FEMALE) (I'm
annoying, but cute enough to get away with this.)
I DON'T HAVE MY ID ON ME." (FEMALE) (I'm 16 .)
"I DON'T HAVE MY ID ON ME." (MALE) (I don't
have a license since I got pulled over and blew a .2 after my last
visit here.)
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