Seth's List for 08/21/03

Driving Haikus

20> Blink Blink Blink Blink Blink
Blink Blink Blink Blink Blink Blink Blink.
Someday, you'll turn left.

19> Lumbering monster.
Imports scatter before me.
Fear my Escalade!

18> I'm in a hurry.
You are driving too slowly.
I must gesture now.

17> It's always the same:
"Next exit 84 miles"
When I have to pee.

16> Emits pollution
And spews poison gases. Car?
No, it's John Rocker.

15> Rearview mirror shows
Highway patrol behind me.
How many did I have?

14> Wake up in ER.
I was driving and reading,
Then I heard a crash.

13> Oooh, there's a Starbucks!
Let's pull over and buy some
Four-dollar coffee.

12> H2 SUV.
Traffic jam, gas tank on E.
U R SOL.

11> Run, pedestrian!
I can't stop! Jump that curb!... Damn.
Bumpers are *not* cheap.

10> An exact-change lane,
And you've only brought Visa?
Please, never leave home.

9> Wheels are like mountains
In your giant monster truck.
Your schlong? Still compact.

8> Ponytailed boomer
Doing thirty while singing
"Life in the Fast Lane."

7> Get off that cell phone!
Safety dictates only *one*
Driver's side air bag.

6> Use the crosswalk, fool!
I might not react in time!
Well, those are the brakes.

5> Self-important prick!
Signal turns or you may find
Baby on *dash* board.

4> Car slides over bridge!
Glad my underwear is clean.
Oops! I spoke too soon.

3> Cut *me* off, you scum?
Pass you on the right! I win!!
Morning, officer.

2> Something just happened
Between me and the leather.
Please crack a window.

and The Number 1 Driving Haiku...

1> My toll-booth hottie
Can't hear my smooth pickup lines
Over the car horns.