Seth's List for 11/19/02

Part 2: On that same smart ass day as before, Allison decided to send me some supposedly "Unaswerable Questions" Little did she know, as all my teachers from kindergarten up can attest. I have an answer for everything...

Q: Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out"?
A: The same guy who tried it from the bull first and decided to work on a "plan B"


Q: Who was the first one who thought that the white thing that came from a hen's butt looked edible?
A: Well after the bull and the cow he started trying all things that came from animals. Just be glad he wasn't a fan of skunk marmalade.


Q: Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp which no decent human being would eat?
A: Because people would bitch and moan if it didn't


Q: Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
A: Because you aren't supposed to use the freezer. Take a hint, Geez!
That is for nocturnal dwellers with better eyesight.
A2: Bright light frightens the ice cubes


Q: If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?
A: Well Jimmy wrote the song as a pity party for jimmy.


Q: Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?
A: Absoutely, but he has to sit up in the front like everyone else. No free rides.


Q: If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?
A: Little known fact about the professor. He had a deathly fear of holes. All kinds. Which was forever a problem in his love life as well as going to the bathroom. Of course this fear also made him stay far far away from that dreaded hole in the boat.


Q: Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?
A: Because by the time they point to their crotch... it is too late. Which is where we get the term moot point.


Q: Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?
A: I don't have one but I am guessing it is so you don't feel obligated to put on a show... (queue pole dancing music here)

Q: Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? After all they are both dogs!
A: Goofy is what we call high level retarded which means he can function as a member of society where as Pluto, is like a helmet wearing, short bus riding, special in the way that everyone gets a medal kind of dog.


Q: What do you call male ballerinas?
A: Gay


Q: Why ARE Trix only for kids?
A: Because when you get older they are called tricks and sold to johns and performed by whores.... oh wait, who is Trix?


Q: If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?
A: We all like to catch the unattainable. The coyote- roadrunner tragedy is an allegory for the way we all run our lives. We put forth huge amounts of effort in an act of futility that ultimately leaves us empty and alone...sigh


Q: Why is a person that handles your money called a Broker?
A: because when you give him all your money, you is broker! badum chhhhh


Q: If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
A: testiclesiastes


Q: If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?
A: babies, shh don't tell.
A: Dead Squirrels so much for truth in advertising huh?


Q: If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
A: No it is dictated by morons. It comes from guilt.


Q: Is Disney World the only people trap operated by a mouse?
A: Nope there is the lesser know Ratso's house of porn in Milwaukee Wisconsin, the pervs go in and they don't come out.


Q: Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
A: Because I could only think of one tune, what the hell. Think you could do better? I dare ya. Everyone's a critic. Haven't you heard of sampling. They aren't the same. One goes dum dum dum da da dum dum the other goes
dum dum dum da da dum dum ch ch see totally different. (think vanilla ice)



Q: Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
A: No, they miss the point completely... They think they are eating deformed spaghetti-o's


Q: Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window.
A: It isn't the air, it is your breath


Q: Why is it that when someone tells you that there are over a billion stars in the universe, you believe them, but if they tell you there is wet paint somewhere, you have to touch it to make sure?
A: Same reason that when a girl tells me she is not wearing underwear, I need further evidence.