Seth's List for 03/11/02
Today's Joke:
From Allison, Thanks for the smile.
NATURAL SELECTION OF M&M'S
Whenever I get a package of plain M&M's, I make
it my duty to continue the strength and robustness of the candy
as a species. To this end, I hold M&M duels.
Taking two candies between my thumb and forefinger,
I apply pressure, squeezing them together until one of them cracks
and splinters. That is the "loser," and I eat the inferior
one immediately. The winner gets to go another round. I have found
that, in general, the brown and red M&M's are tougher, and the
newer blue ones are genetically inferior.
I have hypothesized that the blue M&M's as a race
cannot survive long in the intense theatre of competition that is
the modern candy and snack food world.
Occasionally I will get a mutation, a candy that is
misshapen, or pointier, or flatter than the rest. Almost invariably
this proves to be a weakness, but on very rare occasions it gives
the candy extra strength. In this way, the species continues to
adapt to its environment.
When I reach the end of the pack, I am left with one
M&M, the strongest of the herd. Since it would make no sense
to eat this one as well, I pack it neatly in an envelope and send
it to:
M&M Mars,
A Division of Mars, Inc.,
Hackettstown, NJ 17840-1503 U.S.A.
I send it along with a 3x5 card reading, "Please
use this M&M for breeding purposes."
This week they wrote back to thank me, and sent me
a coupon for a free 1/2 pound bag of plain M&M's. I consider
this "grant money." I have set aside the weekend for a
grand tournament. From a field of hundreds, we will discover the
True Champion.
There can be only one.
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