Today's Joke: (long but worth it (insert your comment here))
A guy decides that maybe he'd like to have a pet and goes to a
pet shop.

After looking around he spots a parrot sitting on a little perch.
It doesn't have any feet or legs.

The guy says out loud, "Gee,I wonder what happened to this
parrot?"

"I was born this way," says the parrot. "I'm a defective
parrot."

"Ha, ha," the guy laughs. "It sounded like this parrot actually
understood what I said and answered me."

"I understood every word," says the parrot. "I am a highly
intelligent, thoroughly educated bird."

"Yeah?" the guy asks. "Then answer this: how do you hang
onto your perch without any feet?"

"Well," the parrot says, "this is a little embarrassing, but
since you asked I'll tell you. I wrap my little parrot penis
around this wooden bar, kind of like a little hook. You can't
see it cause of my feathers."

"Wow," says the guy, "you really can understand and answer, can't
you?"

"Of course. I speak both Spanish and English. I can converse
with reasonable competence on almost any subject: politics,
religion, sports, physics, philosophy and I am especially good at
ornithology. You ought to buy me. I am a great companion,"

The guy looks at the $200 price tag. He says. "I can't afford
that."

"Pssst," the parrot hisses, motioning the guy over with one wing.
"Nobody wants me cause I don't have any feet. You can get me
for $20 just make an offer."

The guy offers 20 dollars and walks out with the parrot.

Weeks go by. The parrot is sensational. He's funny, he's
interesting, he's a great pal, he understands everything,
sympathizes, gives good advice. The guy is delighted.

One day the guy comes home from work and the parrot says,
"Pssst," and motions him over with one wing. The guy goes up
close to the cage.

"I don't know if I should tell you this or not," says the
parrot, "but it's about your wife and the mailman."

"What?" says the guy.

"Well," the parrot says, "when the mailman came to the door today
your wife greeted him in a sheer nightgown and kissed him on the
mouth."

"What happened then?" asks the guy.

"Then the mailman came into the house and lifted up the
nightgown and began petting her all over," reports the parrot.

"My God!!" the guy says. "Then what?"

"Then he lifted up the nightgown, got down on his knees and began
to lick her body, starting with her breasts slowly going down
and down,"

The parrot pauses for a long time...

"What happened? What happened?" says the frantic guy.

"I don't know," says the Parrot, "I got a hard-on and I fell off
my perch.

Wednesday's Bad Prediction:

"God himself could not sink this ship."
- Deckhand on the Titanic, April 10, 1912.