Today's Joke:
Newspaper Headlines in the Year 2035

-- Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.

-- Spotted Owl plague threatens Western North America crops and livestock.

-- Last remaining Fundamentalist Muslim dies in the American Territory of the Middle East (formerly known as Iran, Iraq, Syria, and Lebanon).

-- Afghanistan still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least ten more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.

-- George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.

-- 35 year study: diet and exercise is the key to weight loss.

-- Nursing home event: Bill Clinton denies allegations of affair with candy striper.

-- Texas executes last remaining citizen.

-- Upcoming NFL draft likely to focus on use of mutants.

-- Baby conceived naturally; scientists stumped.

-- Authentic year 2000 "chad" sells at Sotheby's for $4.6 million.

-- Ozone created by electric cars now killing thousands in Los Angeles.

-- Average height of NBA players now nine foot seven inches.

-- Microsoft announces it has perfected its newest version of Windows so it crashes BEFORE installation is completed.

-- New California law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, and baseball bats be registered by January 2036.

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