Today's Joke:
When you think about it, there are only two things you need to make people:

You've got to have sex; you've got to have food. That's it. You don't need clothing, shelter, or TV. Okay, maybe TV, but otherwise, it's sex and food.

But for some reason, sex is thought of as dirty. Maybe God is a Republican, and He said, "All right, if you want to propagate go ahead, but only late at night while listening to Pastor Fry's Meditations with the bedroom door closed, once a week, the
husband on top."

But not only can you eat the charred, decaying flesh of other major mammals, you can do it in broad daylight and invite all your friends to watch: "Hey, Chuck, why don't you come over on Sunday? We're going to kill a pig, cut him up, burn him, and eat him. Bring the kids -- we'll have a hell of a time."

What if they were switched around? What if, through a simple twist of fate, sex were clean and food were dirty? Our entire culture would change.

Food would become a four-letter word.

- When people got angry at you, they'd yell out, "Oh, yeah? Well, food you. Suck cheese you Popsicle slurper."

- Punks in passing cars would flip you the fork.

- Flashers would have pizzas strapped to their chests. "Ohmigod. It's a pepperoni."

- Locker room talk would change. "Hey, man, how'd you do this weekend?" "Two burgers and a bag of curly fries."

- Garlic would be illegal in most southern states.

- Supermakets would check IDs and charge admission to the poultry section.

- Foreplay would be listed as a menu selection.

- Vice squads would conduct raids on backyard barbecues. "All right, put down your meat. Just back away from the
buns, mister."

- Vegetarians would be prohibited from becoming teachers and would move to the Bay Area.

- Most suburban school districts would ban Home Ec.

- Hookers would become cooks. You'd be accosted on street corners by plump ladies in Day-Glo aprons. "Hey, big boy, looking for a hot meal? Wanna go crack some crab?"

- Christian Fundamentalists would make meat and potatoes a religious tenet.

- Many sexual positions would be found to be carcinogenic.

- Parents would tell their children, "Don't play with your food or you'll go blind."

- Kids would remember the first time their mother caught them marinating.

... Practice safe eating. Use condiments..

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